You are a young man with a bright future ahead she insisted
ya you are right but………… I paused.
BUT ………….? Saleem! there is nothing between you and her . the truth of the matter is that she does not even know you well.
ya but what can I do now its totally out of my control. I mean this feeling. I looked at her help lessly ….. and …… like….. I mean to say that…. well its not easy to tell.
Look at you….she yelled at me.. this is 21st century and u dont have to perform MAJNOO.for Gods sake dont do it to yourself.
ah… no you are not following me . I m say ing that I m no more in charge of things. This indeed is a strange feeling.
You mean……
No dont interrupt… I frowned. Listen to me first I m telling u the truth and the whole of it.I ve been with lot of girls and I had all sorts of feelings . I wanted to be with them.talk to them, I wnated to ….,pardon me, have sex with them and I would want to give them an odd kiss as well but I never had those strange feelings and believ me they are strange. !
Ok … she said passively whats so different tell me.
I …………. want to kiss her …yes I really want that but ….you know what I want to do when i imagin she and me together?I want to talk and act stupidlyI want to giggle with a childs innocence that a prudent person that I m, and you know that, would never do normally.
So whats so different… anyone may have such feelings for someone. Love ,in our society, is almost a synonym to innocence. You are by no means unique in this.
would you please like to listen to me first!
Ok ,she shruugged, carry on I m listening but try to say somthing solid.
I always had a very deep sence of respect for her that I even dont have for u. and I always pssesed a sort of hatered for myself. I always felt like a “nothing” compared with her. I cant help craving for her. I want her and only her and this is not a desire any more its more of a decision. Why should I look for the alternates.Why I cant get what I want and if I cant ,which pretty much seems to be the case, I wont watch out for anyone else.
A decision ..! not a desire. you got to be kidding. you cant abscond the realities of life can u? You have decided that you will not look for anyone else and continue to lie in your bed with a ciggaret in your dry lips and doing nothing!This my dear is not love this is merely an escape from the responsibilty of living. This is in your favourite sartre’s words nothingness not being.
Now you are being cruel on me. I m not saying that i would not do anything for my family niether i will forget my duty towards society and most of all towards myself. Look ..I had one moment of truth in my entire life when I really felt alive. I dont wana lose that. And thats all the mess is about. I can not spoil my solitude with presence of an unwanted and unloved being. this is gravely important.
Are u finished?
No…. I want to see her above and beyond the everyday-woman. I want something special for her and I can not exactly tell so as to what that thing is…
superb!
You may have fun with it but for me its a worth living for matter Listen I am not saying worth dying for. All I want is to live and care for her with or without her fellowship.
well this last instance is interesting… she smiled… but I would advise u again to re consider your romeo-thing. I dont wana see this pale faced creature fighting with shadows for a whole life time.Please!
hohohoh…..thanks for your concern.By the way hows the weather to day?
hahahahhahaha Ok …….fine change the topic. SO…………………… when are u leaving for………………….
