SITTING ALONE IN A DARK ROOM AT 4:40 AM I FEEL A VERY DEEP FEAR OF LOOSING MY PASSION AND MY COURAGE.STRIVING TO FIND A WAY OUT AND YELLING AT MYSELF “WHY U DID IT?”
RECALLING THE BITTER MEMORIES OF ALL THOSE UNFRUITFULL EFFORTS,RATHER HALF EFFORTS AND ALL THOSE YEARS OF SEVERE PAIN.BUT THAT IS NOT THE REAL PROBLEM. THE PROBLEM IS THAT I HAVE FAILED TO LEARN ANY THING OUT OF MY PAST EXPERIENCES OF FAILURE. MONOTONOUSLY I QUESTION MYSELF IF I WAS WRONG TO EXPECT? IF I WAS WRONG TO DREAM?IF WAS WRONG TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND NOT IN THE DESTINY?.MOST OF ALL IF I WAS WRONG TO BELIEVE IN MY GOD!
DEEP,FAR DOWN IN MY HEART SOMEONE ANSWERS FEEBLY “NO”.
BUT I AM UNABLE TO SOOTH MY QUERIES. ARE WE REALLY NOT PUTING IN A WILD-GOOSE CHASE BY LIVING WITHOUT HAVING ANY CONTROL OF MORE THAN NINTY PERSENT OF HAPPENINGS?.
IF GOD HAS CREATED US TO ACCEPT EVERYTHING WITHOUT ASKING QUESTIONS?.IF YES, WHAT IS LEFT TO LIVE FOR? AND IF NOT, WHY WE CAN NOT FIND SOMEONE ANSWERING THOSE QUESTIONS?.
IS THERE ANYTHING LIKE ULTIMATE TRUTH? IS THERE ANYTHING LIKE VALUES? IS THERE ANY THING LIKE PERFECT SYSTEMS?.ALL OF US,THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY OF HUMAN BEINGS, BRAG ABOUT PEACE,LOVE,RESPECT,FLOWERS AND ALL THOSE BEAUTIFUL GLITTERING CONCEPTS OF A FANTASTIC SOCIETY.WHY,THEN, THIS PLACE IS NOT A HEAVEN.IF AAL OF US SIMPLY LIE? WHAT WE EXPECT TO GET OUT OF THESE UNTRUE CLAIMS. WHAT IS THE NEED TO FALSIFY OUR REAL THOUGHTS?
LOTS AND LOTS OF QUESTIONS AND NO ANSWER. NO ANSWER AT ALL.
Filed under: QUEST, Viewpoint | Tagged: PHILOSOPHY
